late night
so here i am, working an overnight. i am sooo tired i dont want to be here i hate my job but i have no choice to work. my cousin cant get a job he is depressed and out of options. my gf is only part time work and full time school. she is depressed and now stuck in a second life non reality world. everything is heading in bad directions. work is just crazy its been over a year and i have yet to receive my raise nor my promotion. they keep giving me self evaluations, wtf its all the same bs. other people got theres before me. its stupid i was a case manager making nothing they wanted me to do a bunch of shit with lots of pressure with no pay increase. thats fucked what motivation is there… none. why the hell should i bend over backwards, there uis no overtime and it cost more to get to work than its worth. what do they care, i only gave a few ligaments and a bone. they ask for help and i still try. whats the point i take on overnight shifts that are 10 hrs long i live an hour away i expect to leave on time. but as life would have it i never leave on time and i end up doing transports. thats just not safe, driving with kids really tired i might as well come in drunk. last week i did two overnights starting at 11 and didnt leave until noon. by the time i get out i cant see the road. i could see if i was a full time overnight and that was it bit im not i have to change my sleep schedule in less than a day then go bsck to normal. like today i worker from 7am -noon went home showered went to my other job from 1-6 went to physical tehrapy from 7-8pm then got home at like 830 ish layed down til 10 got up and came here now i work till hopefully just 9 get home by 1030 sleep till 12 shower work 1-6 then pt at 7. so really im screwed… so screwed. then today i was told to sign up on the holiday scehdule. here is how that works a month ago a schedule goes out with dates and shifts its given by seniority im number 3. so its gone through about 10 or 12 people. hmmm fuck that nothing is open im not doing it thats just not right i have been here longer so ifthey wanted me to work they should have put my name on the list and given it to me a month ago before i made plans for my holidays. aaaaaaah im soo annoyed. i just want shit to go right. i need my bills to get paid we need oil in our house and food. we have none, maybe a little bit of oatmeal 1 box of mac and cheese, a lil pasta and canned vegetables. im sick if starving im sick of making decisions such as what bill can i pay instead of paying all or hmm do i get gas or food ? its not cool its not right. but off course i will pay the bills before i eat im all set with being homeless again or letting my family be homeless. i dunno what more can i say life just sux ass and it feels like it will never be better
